From Besties to Strangers
A friendship breakup story
Hi Mama,
How are you doing? Motherhood and adulthood have a way of keeping us so busy that we barely check in with ourselves. Whether you’re juggling sleepless nights, navigating school runs, or just trying to catch your breath, know that you’re not alone. You are seen, you are valued, and you are doing an incredible job.
This week, we’re talking about what happens when a friend you love and trust hurts you? How do you process the pain and move forward? In this edition, we’ll be sharing a real-life experience from a mum who felt deeply hurt when her close friend didn’t share her pregnancy news until the third trimester. If you’ve ever felt left out, disappointed, or struggled to forgive a friend, this might resonate with you.
Here’s what’s inside today’s letter:
How do you feel when a friend keeps a secret?
Heal to grow: Finding peace after friendship hurts
Read and grow: 3 lessons from Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erickson
When a Friend’s Secret Hurts
Hi team MC,
I wanted to share something that has been weighing me down for a while now, in the hopes that other mums who have experienced something similar might find comfort.
A few years ago, I found out (very late) that a close friend of mine was pregnant. By the time she told me, she was already in her third trimester. It hit me hard because I had shared my own pregnancy news with her early on, believing we had that kind of bond. To say I was hurt would be an understatement. I spent so long wondering why she kept it from me. Was I not as important to her as she was to me? Did I do something wrong?
When I finally gathered the courage to tell her how much it hurt, she said that it was a private decision between her and her husband not to share their news with anyone. I heard her words, and instead of making me feel better, I actually felt worse. Like so I’m now “anyone”?. It felt personal, even though I knew logically that it wasn’t.
Now, two years have passed, and I find myself still holding on to that wound. I want to let go. I want to fully forgive and move forward, but a part of me struggles
M
Have you ever experienced something like this? How do you handle the pain of feeling left out or excluded by someone you thought you were close to?
It’s easy to say friendships evolve, and everyone has their reasons for the choices they make. Maybe part of healing is accepting that sometimes, people protect their joy in ways we don’t understand. But how do you find peace when your heart still stings from the silence?
Heal to Grow: Finding peace after friendship hurts
It’s understandable to feel hurt when a friend’s actions don’t align with our expectations of closeness. This is natural. However, healing begins when we acknowledge that their decision wasn’t about us, it was about their own boundaries, comfort, and circumstances.
Holding onto resentment only deepens the wound, while forgiveness, even when difficult, creates space for peace.
Here are a few steps to start healing:
Acknowledge your feelings – It’s okay to feel hurt. Name your emotions and allow yourself to process them without judgment.
Reframe the narrative – Instead of focusing on why they kept the secret, try shifting to it wasn’t about me, this can help release the hurt.
Express & release – If you haven’t already, write a letter (even if you don’t send it) to express what you felt. This can help clear lingering emotions.
Accept & adjust – Friendships evolve. Accepting changes in dynamics can help you find new ways to engage with the relationship moving forward.
Choose forgiveness for yourself – Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, it means choosing peace over prolonged pain.
These same principles apply to many areas of our lives, not just friendships. Whether it’s family tensions, unmet expectations in marriage, or even workplace conflicts, healing starts with shifting our perspective, releasing what we cannot control, and choosing growth over resentment. When we learn to navigate disappointments with grace, we open ourselves up to more meaningful relationships, self-awareness, and emotional freedom.
What do you think?
Read to Grow: 3 Lessons from Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson
I’m sure you’ve found yourself wondering why some people just don’t seem to “get” you. Or why communication with certain friends, colleagues, or even your spouse feels so frustrating. Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson breaks down different personality types and how understanding them can improve relationships. Here are three key lessons from the book:
1️. People communicate differently. Learn their language
The book categorizes people into four colors: Red (dominant and decisive), Yellow (enthusiastic and social), Green (calm and friendly), and Blue (analytical and detail-oriented). The way we communicate makes sense to us, but if we don’t adapt to others’ styles, we risk misunderstandings. Recognizing someone’s communication style helps reduce friction and build better relationships.
2️. Conflict often stems from personality differences, not intentions
Someone who seems pushy (Red) or too laid-back (Green) isn’t necessarily trying to be difficult, they’re just operating from their natural tendencies. Instead of taking things personally, try to understand where they’re coming from. Adapting your approach can make conversations more productive and less stressful.
3️. Self-awareness is the key to better relationships
Before we can navigate others, we need to understand ourselves. Are you a high-energy Yellow who gets frustrated when others aren’t as spontaneous? Or a structured Blue who feels drained by overly emotional discussions? The more we understand our own strengths and blind spots, the easier it is to connect with others in meaningful ways.
Understanding different personality types can help in friendships, marriage, parenting, and even workplace dynamics. Which color do you think you are?
Letting go isn’t always easy, but when we heal, we grow. And when we grow, we make room for deeper, more fulfilling connections.
Wishing you a beautiful and peaceful week ahead, filled with moments of joy, reflection, and connection. And to all our sisters who are fasting, may you be blessed with grace, strength, and renewal in this sacred time.
May this week bring you healing where you need it most and clarity for the journey ahead. You are not alone mama
To your healing and growth,
Tinuke x